Oh yes, those words were spoken by Bruno Tomoli on tonight's premiere of Dancing with the Hasbeens Stars. That isn't even the gayest thing he said. In addition to that, he told 'Lil Kim that she was "nasssssty and tasssssty" after her turn around the ballroom. Thankfully, her costume (as much as there was of one) managed to stay on the whole time. I wish I could say that it got better but for most of the night, it didn't ...

Belinda Carlisle looked like a mannequin twirling around the dance floor and Bruno compared her dancing to Chloris Leachman. Come on Bruno, Belinda was not that funny. It was just sad.

Lawrence Taylor looked like a drunk guest at a wedding reception. Sadly, women will vote for him.

The best thing about Jewel's horse husband Ty Murray's performance is that he has a cute little booty.

David Allen Grier was, well ... wait. He still has a career? Oh, right. That's why he signed on to do this show. Well, he won't be winning any awards for his dancing.

Denise Richards looked petrified to be on the dance floor. Hell, she lasted about 10 minutes before crying. Maxim hadn't even yelled at her yet! Why must we be tortured having to watch that trainwreck on television. It is time someone made her realize she is NOT a celebrity and no one but her agent cares about seeing her on television. Well, I'm sure her shrink does too - those session payments come in handy.

Steve-o was crap-o.

Country singer Chuck Wickes is lucky that people will vote for his girlfriend, Julianne.

Last minute replacement Holly Madison was called "a newborn deer" by Carrie Ann. That's just a nice way of saying "I'm surprised you didn't fall on your ass."

Then there was Steve Wozniak. I don't think even Kathy Griffin would vote for him after tonight.

Ok, it wasn't all bad. Actor Gilles Marini was, as Samantha put it in the Sex and the City movie, "sex on a stick." He's not my type but damn he was definitely the sexiest dancer tonight.

Shawn Johnson was absolutely beautiful and Nancy O'Dell's replacement, Bachelor's Melissa Rycroft, was simply stunning tonight. In case you're wondering, Rycroft was a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so learning a routine in 2 days apparently wasn't too difficult for her. I'm glad ABC is trying to make up for screwing her over in the hoax they played on her.

As for the pros, there are a few new ones. Apparently, this show is becoming the dumping ground for So You Think You Can Dance ballroom dancers. Lacey placed third in her first season on the show last season and now we have Dmitri and Chelsea joining her this season. More importantly, Johnathan Roberts is back this season. I'd vote for his pair just to see his butt in those tight pants.

They also changed the elimination night process. We will be forced to endure the 2 worst dancers a third time to attempt to earn more points from the judges to stave off getting the boot. Oh boy, I can't wait. For the record, I only watch to see who falls and then blog about their enormous talent after.