It's been awhile since I talked about what it is going on in my life ...

The toughest thing is that my disability appeal was denied ... but we expected that. Now, we just have to wait to see if the firm handling it for us will continue to handle it. Would be nice for the government to actually do something in a timely manner that actually helps people but that's maybe asking too much.

Some of y'all know that Darin has been waiting for a job in PA to start ... we are "cautiously optimistic" that we will get the formal offer this week. Cross those fingers.

Dakota is still acting like a puppy even though she is 10. Six months ago, she was acting like a 95-year-old woman. Why do I feel like this is her last hurrah? Anyone know what I mean? Insight welcome.

Pokey is ... well, he is his normal, spoiled self. As Darin pointed out tonight though ... since he stopped sneaking Pokey food under the table, Pokey's farting has stopped. Trust me ... it's lethal.

As for me ... it's been tough going. I know that I keep saying that eventually I will talk about things other than my disability that contribute to my depression but for some reason, I'm just not ready to share that on here yet. I don't know if it's just that it's hard to talk about or if, on some level, my subconscious doesn't want to give any power to it. Not sure if that makes sense ... but in my head it did.

I will say that I regret ever wishing for a 'permanent vacation'. It sucks. I have heard so many people say that I'm lucky that I get to stay in bed all day ... try doing it for 2 years. After awhile, you start hating your bed. And I do. Maybe it is that I feel trapped ... Maybe it is the loneliness. Maybe it's both.

Just for one day I would like to feel normal again.

Hopefully one day I will again.

Not likely.

Shit.