I know I shouldn't be dreading going to NY in December. And mostly, I'm not. But a small part of me is wishing that I wasn't going. Partly it is because of the anticipation of pain. I won't have my tempurpedic mattress at my grandmother's and the trip to and from is going to be extremely painful. Taking extra pain pills will help some but not entirely. I'm just afraid I won't be able to cope with the traveling. Also, can't forget about the cold weather. We've gotten some chilly weather down here but it is nothing compared to NY winters. Another reason for dread is having to see certain members of my family. Now I am really looking forward to seeing my cousins and my grandmother - but I'd rather not see my mom or brother. At a later time I will explain why I don't speak to either of them.

Ultimately I don't think the pain or the people are the full reason I think I am dreading this visit. A large part of it is that this may be the last time I see my grandmother in person. I will talk to her each week as I always do. By this time next year she will most likely be in a nursing home or ... Don't want to think about the other possibility. That's why we're making a big deal about the family getting together. (Of course, they are making a big deal since I will be there for the first time in 3 years)

Fortunately I still have a few weeks to get myself mentally and physically ready for this trip.