Well, I have begun therapy again. Yes, this is a good thing. I was in therapy for awhile this past year but the therapist I was seeing decided to take a job with the military (for more money) and dumped all her clients - she didn't even refer me to anyone. Basically she helped open a lot of wounds but never helped me fix anything. The whole reason I was there was because I was extremely depressed (thanks to my disability) and as a kid I had never learned how to cope with things properly. So even though it appeared I was doing okay, deep down I know that I wasn't.

We found a clinic in the county that makes it possible for me to see a therapist/psychiatrist for only $10 a session - and they will help me get medication for as cheap as possible. This is something I had been praying about for some time. I have been getting more depressed for a long time now. The new therapist talked about the "depression down spiral" which ends with being stuck in the "I'm worthless" thinking and believe that nothing will get better, etc. Fortunately for me, I still have a shred of positivity left to grasp onto. She is also sending me to Al-Anon. As I've mentioned before I do not have a good relationship with my mother. She's an alcoholic but I never thought her drinking ever affected me since I was never around it. I've come to find out that she has personality traits/behaviors that precede the drinking that would have affected me negatively.

As I told her, my goal is to "get better". I'm not putting a quantity or percentage component on this - this way even if it is 1% better, it is still a success. As I am going through this therapy, I will post updates and such on here.