Advice Wanted

I was talking with a friend tonight and she cried on my shoulder (well, not really on my shoulder, but you know what I mean!) for a bit. She has two daughters and one of them is going through a rough time. She took her out for some one-on-one quality time to try to find out just what is bothering her daughter. She didn't find out everything, but she did find some stuff out.

It seems her daughter is having troubles at school - and it involves teasing. Apparently, a lot of the boys in her class pick on her about her body. At first I thought it was something simple but it turns out her daughter is more developed than girls at her young age (she hasn't even hit age 10 yet) and perhaps the boys are teasing her because of her early development. My friend has also found some of the topics her daughter has been searching for online; things like boobs, kissing and even sex. Now my friend is alarmed about this and is trying to figure out how to help her daughter.

All of us having been kids ourselves, we know it is natural for kids to be curious about sex but not at this age. Her daughter isn't dealing well with the teasing and it is causing some serious mood changes in this little girl. I know my friend - she lives for her children and I know it is breaking her heart that she does not know just how to handle this. As a psych major in college, I can tell her what psychologists say but as we all know, that doesn't always translate well into our own lives.

I know that I have many moms and dads reading my blog and I asked my friend if I could write about this in hopes that someone may be able to suggest something to help. My friend has enough on her plate already and does not need to be worrying that her child is in pain as well. Please help!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 18, 2009 and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .
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3 comments

Breenlantern  
March 18, 2009 at 6:02 AM

"All of us having been kids ourselves, we know it is natural for kids to be curious about sex but not at this age." This is wrong: we deal with sex when we deal with it. I was sexually active at this age (to a small, experimental degree.) This is when it is coming up in her life and her mother needs to sit down and talk with her and answer her questions and be available to her. School was rough on me and every day was like going to prison, but I know it would have helped if i could have talked to someone about who would understand and not judge me. I hope it gets better for her...I hope her Mom can talk with here and be understanding to what she is going through. If the teasing rises to the level of harassment and prevents the girl from being able to attend and participate in school safely, the school needs to get involved in protecting here and addressing it with the people who are harrassing here.

Free_Bird  
March 19, 2009 at 12:17 AM

Yeah I agree with Breenlantern -- you have to deal with sex when the kid encounters or is ready to deal with it.. I think the tricky part is to only deal with the issues the kid is ready to handle or deal with and not overwhelm them ...
I think maybe talking with her as much as she can -- finding out what her interest is in each of the areas she mentions (boobs, kissing etc)... I wouldnt encourage a 9 year old to be involved in sexual activity ... i think you need to give her information that she can use to empower herself to make the right decisions though. She is developing so she has to know what this means and what it doesnt mean. It may not mean shes ready for sex or dealing with boys. What sorts of changes in her mood are happening? Maybe she feels she is supposed to be ready for boys and or sex. Or that the attention that she is getting from the boys makes her more popular with them. Or that it means they really care for her and she should accept their attentions. At her age its hard to be "different". There is nothing she can do if she develops early but she definitely needs information so that she understands more about these changes. Good luck to your friend and her daughter!

Donna M.  
March 23, 2009 at 3:23 PM

amazingly, kids are learning about sex at ages much earlier than that. When I was that age, the teachers were showing us the puberty videos.

My son had a similar issue but at a later age. With the help of a friend, we found a therapist who was willing to work with him for no charge. That could be an option to look into since she's so bothered by the teasing.

I'd suggest the mom talk to the daughter, and talk to the teachers and principle about the teasing. She will also want to look into parental controls to block the inappropriate searches.

The important thing is to communicate, make sure the mom knows what the daughter is up to and what's bothering her. Don't take "nothing" or "it's OK" as an answer, because it's not.

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