First, let me start by wishing all the Moms who read this blog a wonderful Mother's Day.
I have a dilemma. Unfortunately, I don't have a good relationship with my mother. I know I have said before that I will post about some of my "issues" but it never seems to the be the right time.
Without getting too involved, I have post-traumatic stress disorder and clinical depression. I have actually been suffering from depression since I was a child. Unfortunately, back then it wasn't typical to treat children for depression. I am not going to say my mother is completely responsible for the depression, but she is a key factor in it.
My mother is a very self-absorbed person, yet she doesn't realize it. In fact, she has had two therapists who let her blame all her problems on other people. That isn't what therapy is about. One of the major reasons I don't really speak to her is because of a by-product of that therapy. Two Christmases ago, I had called my grandmother's house while the whole family was there and she got on the phone. I told her that I didn't hate her and she said it was the best gift she'd ever gotten. If knowing your son doesn't hate you ranks as one of the best gifts ever, I wouldn't be proud or happy about that.
And in her words, she isn't a "raving bitch" anymore. I never claimed she was that. In fact, she has never even bothered to ask me why I don't want a relationship with her. Until she is willing to focus on WHY I don't talk to her instead of focusing on herself as a victim, things will stay the same.
So knowing all that ... Should I feel guilty for not calling her or sending her a card? Sometimes I feel guilty about it and I know that I shouldn't. But calling her to celebrate her as mother seems somewhat hypocritical in that she wasn't exactly a good mother to me. In fact, she has even tried blaming the problems she has caused on me!
What do y'all think?
I have a dilemma. Unfortunately, I don't have a good relationship with my mother. I know I have said before that I will post about some of my "issues" but it never seems to the be the right time.
Without getting too involved, I have post-traumatic stress disorder and clinical depression. I have actually been suffering from depression since I was a child. Unfortunately, back then it wasn't typical to treat children for depression. I am not going to say my mother is completely responsible for the depression, but she is a key factor in it.
My mother is a very self-absorbed person, yet she doesn't realize it. In fact, she has had two therapists who let her blame all her problems on other people. That isn't what therapy is about. One of the major reasons I don't really speak to her is because of a by-product of that therapy. Two Christmases ago, I had called my grandmother's house while the whole family was there and she got on the phone. I told her that I didn't hate her and she said it was the best gift she'd ever gotten. If knowing your son doesn't hate you ranks as one of the best gifts ever, I wouldn't be proud or happy about that.
And in her words, she isn't a "raving bitch" anymore. I never claimed she was that. In fact, she has never even bothered to ask me why I don't want a relationship with her. Until she is willing to focus on WHY I don't talk to her instead of focusing on herself as a victim, things will stay the same.
So knowing all that ... Should I feel guilty for not calling her or sending her a card? Sometimes I feel guilty about it and I know that I shouldn't. But calling her to celebrate her as mother seems somewhat hypocritical in that she wasn't exactly a good mother to me. In fact, she has even tried blaming the problems she has caused on me!
What do y'all think?
This entry was posted
on Sunday, May 10, 2009
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