Mother's Day

First, let me start by wishing all the Moms who read this blog a wonderful Mother's Day.

I have a dilemma. Unfortunately, I don't have a good relationship with my mother. I know I have said before that I will post about some of my "issues" but it never seems to the be the right time.

Without getting too involved, I have post-traumatic stress disorder and clinical depression. I have actually been suffering from depression since I was a child. Unfortunately, back then it wasn't typical to treat children for depression. I am not going to say my mother is completely responsible for the depression, but she is a key factor in it.

My mother is a very self-absorbed person, yet she doesn't realize it. In fact, she has had two therapists who let her blame all her problems on other people. That isn't what therapy is about. One of the major reasons I don't really speak to her is because of a by-product of that therapy. Two Christmases ago, I had called my grandmother's house while the whole family was there and she got on the phone. I told her that I didn't hate her and she said it was the best gift she'd ever gotten. If knowing your son doesn't hate you ranks as one of the best gifts ever, I wouldn't be proud or happy about that.

And in her words, she isn't a "raving bitch" anymore. I never claimed she was that. In fact, she has never even bothered to ask me why I don't want a relationship with her. Until she is willing to focus on WHY I don't talk to her instead of focusing on herself as a victim, things will stay the same.

So knowing all that ... Should I feel guilty for not calling her or sending her a card? Sometimes I feel guilty about it and I know that I shouldn't. But calling her to celebrate her as mother seems somewhat hypocritical in that she wasn't exactly a good mother to me. In fact, she has even tried blaming the problems she has caused on me!

What do y'all think?

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 10, 2009 and is filed under , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

5 comments

I think you should at least send her a card. all it does is show her you care and really don't hate her, it's not stating you want to become the best of buds or anything to that nature.

I was raised to believe that mothers day is a day where you celebrate your mother and thank her for taking care of you, etc. even if she wasn't the best mom in the world, or she did have issues.

I understand where you're coming from, the only reason I even talk to my mother really anymore is so that she can have a role in her granchildrens lives. But that has never stopped me from at least calling her up or sending her a card to wish she has a good mothers day.

you don't have to go and get one of those high fancy, 'you're the best mother' ones either. maybe just a simple one that says Happy mothers day on the front. and you can write something inside it?

but it's ultimately up to you.

Karen  

Dave, I know I don't have the same issues with my mother that you have with yours so I won't even try to compare them but I just want to say that I didn't call my own mother nor send her a card either so you're not alone. Since my father died a year ago last October, I have actually spoken to my mother probably 4 times and the last time was for her to tell me that she was moving out of state because there was nothing here for her anymore...what the hell am I and my children?? But I understand that my sister and her family have always been her favorites, because they have money and I don't. So...I let her make her own life what it is and don't poke my nose where it doesn't want to be. I'm better off without all the stress that she lays on my doorstep anyway, it was killing me. So, don't feel you're alone with this issue because you're not, and that decision took me a long time to arrive at.

I don't blame you in the least for choosing not to call or send a card... Sometimes, I wish I had the strength to just let go and stop all communications with my own mother... If not for Boogie, I think I might have come to that a few years ago... Unfortunately, though, I can't cut of communications because Boogie might resent me for keeping his gramma out of his life... That and I would also like to keep in touch with my daddy, who is crazy enough to still be married to my mom... ::hugs::

Google this book: who do you think you are?

And this blog I found about it, too: http://procomicdiva.pnn.com/articles/show/43828-it-s-alright-to-hate-your-mother

I have a good relationship with my mother and my children, but as I've told students, not everyone is fortunate. Some people are horrible parents. Then it's up to you to deal with that in whatever way works for you. But deal with it you must!

Thanks Joy ... I put that in my "to do" list :)

Thanks y'all for your support ... I hate not calling or writing, but it is healthier for my mental health to not do it ...