Apologies and Feelings

Well, I know that I have been slacking the past week on my blogging. I apologize to anyone who has been visiting and seeing no new posting. That will change, I assure you. For those who don't know, we lost my grandmother Friday morning around 1:30am and while I was mentally prepared for it, you can't be totally emotionally ready for it. In fact, just last night I went to call her without thinking. So of course, I had a bit of a breakdown but IMO, that is healthy.

I talked to my mother yesterday to hear about the funeral. Everything was beautiful, just as if my grandmother was controlling the weather and traffic. It had rained while everyone was in the church but when they went to go to the cemetery, the sun came out. I'm just glad my Meme is no longer suffering. She was ready to go but I'm not sure how many of us were ready to let her go.

I know I haven't mentioned my parents much in the blog ... I don't really speak to them much. As I mentioned back around Mother's Day, it's just healthier for me not to have her in my life. I've given her kind of a "get out of jail free" card because of my grandmother's passing but that was in serious jeopardy once I found out some things regarding my grandmother's belongings.

Several years ago, my grandmother and I discussed her wishes for after she'd gone. Originally, she'd said that my mother would give people things they wanted. Last December we talked about it again when I made my last trip to see. We'd put it off as long as we could. I hate saying this, but I was her favorite grandchild. I was also my grandfather's. Mostly it was just because I was the one who wanted to spend a lot of time at their house and always checked on her and visited my grandfather in the nursing home before he passed. It's a difficult position to be in but it's one I learned to live with.

It also means that I was the one who have the unenviable task of discussing what would happen to certain items. To be honest, out of the grandkids only myself and one cousin really would be taking anything. My cousin told me that my mother had made the decision to just let whomever take whatever they wanted. I knew it was because she didn't want to have to deal with anything like packing, sorting, etc., because it would be too difficult. I'm glad that I was able to convince her that other people already promised my grandmother that they would do all for my mom because we knew she would be a basketcase.

I'm glad that I will be able to have certain things of hers and my grandfather's. Of course, I'd rather have them around more.

On a side note ... Another reason I hadn't posted much is because I am putting together a blogject (yes, I made that word up!), which I am hoping will become a series of blog postings. It will also help me get back to the objective I had when I started this blog; healing. So, be looking for that soon!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 02, 2009 and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .