Well, I went to my appointment at the hospital clinic for what I thought was going to be my pulmonary function tests. Turns out it was an appointment to get me in their system and THEN they would schedule the tests.

I waited three MONTHS for that appointment. Would have been nice to know it was just a regular appointment. Then again, the NPC at my clinic thought it was the tests, too. The good thing is that now I am in their clinic system, it will be easier for me to get appointments for tests and such. I'm also going to be switching to their clinic for my medical care. They just have more doctors and able to give me better care. And it's free. Fortunately, the NPC at my current clinic understands and isn't taking it personally. Oh, and I got a free flu shot during my appointment.

The next day I got a letter in the mail from the clinic with my next two appointments in it.

Now that was fast!

So, next week (11/4) I go for the pulmonary tests, which I am NOT looking forward to now that I know how they work. And on the 14Th, I will see the doctor again. They also have a neurologist on staff who works with an anesthetician who does non-narcotic pain treatments. Hopefully, they'll be able to help get me a little more relief from my back and leg pain.

I have also seen my counselor since the last time I posted about myself. We actually had a very good session talking mostly about myself. We did talk about my brother and mother a bit, but my counselor has a great way of bringing everything back to me. That is not something I am good at. I have always been a person who concentrated on making sure others had what they needed because I didn't feel deserving of my own attention. It took a lot of years of feeling guilty about spending time focusing on myself. I also felt guilty for being as angry as I have been. Those days are over though.

So, I have homework for my next session. I am supposed to be thinking about what it is that I need from therapy. Honestly, I'm not sure. I do know that I need to find peace regarding the abuse I suffered as a small child. I also need to find a way to move past the mental and emotional abuse I have suffered because of my mother. That brings me to another question. If once I am at peace, do I even want a relationship with my family? Am I needing an apology from them or for them to even acknowledge what they've done? Well, better get thinking.