The Search For Answers

First off, I know it has been a week since my last post. Did y'all miss me?

I know, I know ... y'all are wondering why I haven't been posting much for the last month or so. I wish I had a good answer. All I can say is that it has been harder and harder for me to get my mind to focus long enough to write a post. Even just this much in this post has taken me 20 minutes to come up with. Fun, huh?

So, last time I told y'all that I was going to have pulmonary function tests (PFT's) done. Wow, it was so much fun. Okay, not really. If you've never had this test done, here's how it works. First, they draw blood. Unfortunately, they have to get it from the artery in your wrist, so it hurts more than just the run-of-the-mill blood tests. Then, you have to blow into a tube. Sounds easy, huh? It's not. You have to do these sharp deep breaths and blow out for up to 30 seconds. Needless to say, I was exhausted by the end and my back was really hurting.

We haven't found out anything yet, though. The doctor read the results and said some things were slightly abnormal and I will now be seeing a pulmonologist. Of course, the appointment I was given wasn't until February. Apparently, my breathing is not too important to these people.

Also, I recently found a lump on my leg. (Don't you just want to be me with all these health issues?) When the doctors took a look at it, they believed it to be a cyst. Although, they said it could also be a tumor. Yippee. So, it will have to be surgically removed. I will go to that clinic on Dec. 21st. At least that appointment wasn't put off 4 months, too.

Then there is my mental health appointments. At my last appointment, we did a lot of talking about my mother. I know y'all have read a bit about her on here. I try not to talk too much about her simply because it makes me ill to think about my parents. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was beaten as a child or starved or anything. But, I was neglected and did not receive the medical or mental health care I desperately needed. Also, my mother is a complete narcissist who has a pathological need to make things about herself. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to see this obsession.

My therapist asked me to think about writing my mother letters to express the things I need to say to her. This is one of those exercises where the letters are just for me and wouldn't be mailed. As I said, writing on my blog has begun difficult for my brain to manage. Imagine how difficult the letter thing is. Hopefully, I can manage to do something for it. But, it's okay if I don't. That's a good thing about therapy - there are no wrong answers or ways to do things.

So, now you're caught up!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


Sorry to hear about all the recent issues you've had to deal with.
Keep smiling and stay strong!!!