I bet you're probably wondering what little nugget of wisdom I plan to impart to y'all. Truth is, this isn't one of those kinds of postings.

I've just been thinking about a few things lately, as I am sure y'all know.

I started thinking about food because of my friends who talked about eating too much during the holidays.

How important is food in our lives? Not just the necessity of food to keep us alive, but food in general. Think about it. Birthdays, holidays, gatherings, celebrations, comfort. Food plays a huge role in our lives. But what happens when it plays too important of a role?

I have been a heavy guy for as long as I can remember. Actually, I do remember being thin when I was 5. Soon after, I began gaining weight. My last therapist believed that my weight gain was a result of being sexually abused. To some degree, I would agree with her. There was, however, a factor she didn't consider.

My mother.

No, she didn't force-feed me or anything. But I learned early on that food was the answer to just about anything. If you're hungry, eat. Bored, eat. Upset, eat. Happy, eat. Depressed, eat. I think you get the idea.

I wont say that I blame her 100%. I'd like to think I could have kept myself from eating do much as I got older. Unfortunately, I don't think I could. I was a kid who was hurting in ways that no kid should have to deal with, let alone deal with them on their own. No one was asking if I was alright and I wasn't able to say, "I'm not okay." Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be as screwed up now as I am. Fortunately, I have finally learned to not feel guilty for not saying anything.

Nowadays, I don't overeat that much. Usually, it's that I forget to eat that is the problem. Lately, though, I had found myself finding comfort in food. Not a great thing when I'm stuck in bed and gaining weight from it. So, I post this as a way to remind myself that food is not an answer to depression, joy, boredom, etc. It sucks that I unconsciously still reach for junk food to placate myself.